TOGA DANCE

Not yet thirteen. After the dance. Behind the cabins. Bedsheets for togas. Sweat from moving. Danced all night. First with boys. Then just him. Taller and older. Sixteen or seventeen. Warm and tan. Tan under toga.

Not yet thirteen. After the dance. Behind the cabins. Only ten-thirty. Curfew at midnight. Campers in togas. Boys with boys. Girls with girls. Her with him. Taller and older. Stomach feels shaky. Legs feel light. Ready for something. Ready for this.

Not yet thirteen. Hand in hand. Stomach shakes hard. Feet move fast. Hers and his. Fast and quiet. Past the cabins. Past the pines. Deep through woods. No more light. No more noise.

Not yet thirteen. Stomach feels shaky. Legs feel light. Ready for something. Ready for this. Back on bark. Head tilts up. Sees the sky. Sees his eyes. Smells his skin. Feels him bending. Hands on shoulders. Keeping her steady. Leaning in wet. Mouthing her open. Ready for something. Ready for this.

Not yet thirteen. Tongue on tongue. His tongue fast. In too deep. Her jaws open. Feels his braces. Lips get nicked. Wide jaws ache. Open too far! His tongue darts. Her jaws hurt. Guts shake hard. Tongue on tongue. His hands squeeze. Her neck strains. Starts to cramp. Open mouth aches. Tongue too deep. Afraid might gag! Not like movies. Should be slow. Should be soft.

Not yet thirteen. Pulls head back. Breaks the suction. Looks way up. Finds the sky. Finds his eyes. Likes his skin. Likes his smell. Thinks of movies. Ready for something. Ready for this.

Not yet thirteen. Finds a stump. Steps up higher. Touches his face. Thinks of movies. Hands on cheeks. Leans in close. Thinks of kissing. Thinks of soft. Slows him down. Shows him slow. Lips on top. Hips on bottom. Hands just barely. Mouth on mouth. Not so wet. Tongue just in. Hands on hips. His on hers. Warm on warm. Warm through denim. Cutoffs on cutoffs. Tan on tan. Toga on toga. Waiting for something. Waiting for this.

Not yet thirteen. Feels a push. Thinks of toga. Thinks of knot. Keeps on kissing. Mouth on mouth. Keeps eyes closed. Pictures his toga. Where it’s tied. Was at shoulder. Must have slipped. Must have fallen. Warm through denim. Feels a knot. Warmth and bulk. Hips on hips. Tongues move slow.

Not yet thirteen. Minutes till curfew. Mouths stretched soft. Hand in hand. Back through woods. Stumble past pines. Back to noise. Back to light. Back to cabins. Boys with boys. Girls with girls.

Not yet thirteen. Back with bunkmates. Some from cities. Some who’ve kissed. Some who’ve Frenched. Ask her questions. Where they went. How he was. Girls see blush. Hear her pant. Hear her tell: First too fast. Neck got achy. Thought of movies! Started over slow. Started over soft. (Girls’ eyes big: Her teaching him. Sixteen or seventeen!). Tongues on tongues. Won’t tell more! Not a word!

Not yet thirteen. Girls give squeals. Say she’s pro. Give high-fives. Give long hugs. But, she says. There’s one thing. One thing strange. Bulk through denim. Not sure what. Warmth and bulk. Could be knot. Knot from toga. Maybe slipped down.

Girls shake heads. Girls from cities. Cabin gets quiet. Girls giggle soft. Slap her shoulder. Girls giggle harder. Girls from cities. Hard half-smiles: Wasn’t a knot. Wasn’t a knot.

© Ann Rosenquist Fee 2006